Catfish Out of Water

No one cooks in a bubble. I work full-time, typically double shifts surrounded by 550 degree ovens. I have not one, not two, but three pets. And I fein to have a social life. As I'm assuming that most people tend to! These are my top 5 cooking tips for managing the chaos and finding the time, space, and energy to actually cook something.

We look at these food blogs and cooking shows and imagine a glamorous life of being paid to cook and having ample time to devote to the endeavor. Or a "simpler time" when men came home to cocktails and women were only encumbered by cooking, cleaning, and childcare. If such a time ever existed, I certainly wouldn't the first to sign up!

Yet, we still maintain this idilic sentiment that having reached some level of accomplishment in life? Then, we will have the time and energy to figure out how to cook.

The fact of the matter is that most of us will never have enough time in the day to exclusively devote to cooking. And, while I may be guilty of taking mouth-watering photos of my food? It certainly isn't as neat and tidy as it may seem in the final result!

I will be the first to admit that cooking is messy. That it happens while I'm in the middle of 50 other things. Sometimes in the middle of the night. And always with a gaggle of pets in tow.

Look closely beyond the carefully constructed veneer and you'll see me cooking on my floor. Covered in cat hair. Frolicking in dust bunnies.

1. Embrace the Environment That You Have

I have small kitchen. It's not the smallest kitchen that I've ever had. And it actually has quite a bit of square space. It actually might be the largest room in my 600 square foot apartment... But in terms of counter space? It is quite lacking! In the sense that it didn't actually come with any. I moved in with a refrigerator, stove, sink, and some cabinets above the kitchen sink. Do you see where this is going? Not a single countertop. Just a vast empty space of poorly installed linoleum.

Number one in my list of cooking tips is to utilize what you have. If you don't have the grand kitchen with vast space? Don't let that stop you! Get creative with the space that you do have and make it work for you. Not for some idealic food blogger or what Gordon Ramsey has. Do you think that anyone wants to cook in the sweltering heat or the rain in The Great British Bakeoff? No, but it's absolutely adorable and makes for good TV. So, they laugh it off for the cameras and call it a colloquial charm.

2. Cook While Doing Other Things

Obviously, don't leave the stove unattended. But multi-task! I constantly feel like my life is going in a million directions all at once.

If I waited until I had the time and energy to solely devote to cooking? It would never happen!

I don't cook with nothing else going on. I'm running around. Watching TV. Catching up on the news. Watering the plants. Working out. Trying to remember where I put down my phone. Never quite catching up on emails. Always forgetting something at the grocery store. Having about 5 too many errands for a single day off. And wondering why there's a cat inside of a Costco-sized bag of spinach.

One of my favorite time saving cooking tips is to consolidate things as much as possible. Single-pot meals are a lifesaver. I'm constantly throwing everything into a Rice Cooker or a Crock Pot.

The kind of meals that you can throw together and then leave? Are perfect for anyone on the go and managing the chaos. You don't have to watch a stove. There's no stirring or timing or fretting. You simply toss everything in the dish into the pot, press the cook button, go on with your day, and come back to freshly made food! Most rice cookers will automatically turn off when the water ceases to boil and turns to steam. Likewise, most crock pots have a timed feature and will automatically set to "keep warm" after the allotted time.

3. Double the Amount of Time That a Recipe Calls For

One of my biggest cooking tips is to double the amount of time that a recipe calls for. Recipe times are created under idealic scenarios. If you've made the dish a hundred times, don't have to check the recipe, don't have to decipher instructions that only vaguely make sense, and never have to worry about distractions? The recommended preparation time might entirely be accurate.

It might also be some random time a food blogger with no credentials and 0 oversight pulled out of nowhere.

Either way, prep times mean very little in reality. Cooking times should at least be accurate in any good recipe. But the amount of time that it takes you to get to that point can vary dramatically. I'm constantly doing other things while I'm cooking. Something that, free of distractions, should take 15 minutes? Might take me an hour in between everything else that I happen to be doing while preparing this!

Getting distracted doesn't make you a bad cook. It makes you a fully functional human being. And an expert multi-tasker.

You don't have to forgo cooking because you can't devote the entirety of your time to the endeavor. We don't live in an idealic bubble. So, don't try to! Give yourself some extra time to be distracted.

Times on recipes also don't always take into account resting times. Can you use something right away? Does it need time to cool? Did you run out of electrical outlets in the kitchen? How long are you going to spend taking pictures of your food? Not all of these things are going to be factored into your preparation time.

4. Keep Your Floors Clean

Now, this is maybe the most practical of my cooking tips. It applies even for those who don't cook on their floors! I'm utilizing every inch of space that I have in my minuscule apartment, so I absolutely use my food processor on the carpet!

But that is not the only reason to invest in a carpet cleaner. There are two main reasons for this:

1. Pet hair accumulates in the carpet.

2. You're going to drop food on the floor.

Pet hair, dust, dirt, and everything in between inevitably ends up on the floor! I have 3 pets. Do you know how much aggregate pet hair ends up in my life?? But it demonstrably does not end up in the food! I've known people who have just accepted this as an inevitability. They call it "dental floss." However, this is not actually a guaranteed outcome.

In the restaurant world, we oftentimes wipe everything onto the floor. This saves time and energy. And, when you're cooking in high-volume scenarios? Being neat and tidy is a premium. But it does not come at the cost of time! And wiping every little crumb onto the floor is a big time-saver. Next time that you're in a restaurant with an open kitchen, take a look at the ground. It will be covered in garlic peels, bread crumbs, twist ties, crumpled up tickets, errant bits of unidentified food something, and entire dust bunnies worth of flour.

This is one of the unfortunate habits that I've brought home with me, though. And I oftentimes find myself whisking things onto the floor without even thinking about it. But try and refrain in this regard. Or, at the very least, keep your floors immaculate. I have rugs in my kitchen. (Yes, plural, multiple rugs). And part of the reason is that cheap linoleum is incredibly difficult to keep clean. Dirt, dust, and debris settles into the imperfectly-lined cracks.

You're also going to drop food on the floor. It's going to happen. And, when it does? You're going to be glad that your floors aren't filthy.

5. Keep Distractions Handy

The last of my cooking tips is really to plan on distractions. This might sound counter-intuitive. After all, are you really trying to make the cooking process take longer?? But bear with me.

Most of my pets aren't trying to eat the food. They're just curious as to what I'm doing. This isn't always the case and some pets, kids, and significant others are absolutely trying to get to the food!

With pets, I keep distractions around. If simply sniffing the food isn't enough, I have balls and string and bells and whistles galore. As much as open-concept kitchens are in vogue at the moment, old fashioned kitchens with doors are also a great option.

Whenever I cook with my friend's kids, I give them a simple task that doesn't need to be done for quite some time. Making macaroni and cheese? Hand them the rotary cheese grater. It will keep them busy, away from the stove, and not running around in traffic. It also makes them feel like they participated and accomplished something.